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You Better Not Cry

You Better Not Cry

Author: Augusten Burroughs
Publisher: Macmillan
ISBN: 1429943750
Pages: 224
Year: 2009-10-27
You've eaten too much candy at Christmas...but have you ever eaten the face off a six-footstuffed Santa? You've seen gingerbread houses...but have you ever made your own gingerbread tenement? You've woken up with a hangover...but have you ever woken up next to Kris Kringle himself? Augusten Burroughs has, and in this caustically funny, nostalgic, poignant, and moving collection he recounts Christmases past and present—as only he could. With gimleteyed wit and illuminated prose, Augusten shows how the holidays bring out the worst in us and sometimes, just sometimes, the very, very best.
You Better Not Cry

You Better Not Cry

Author: Augusten Burroughs
Publisher: Macmillan
ISBN: 0312341911
Pages: 206
Year: 2009-10-27
A volume of holiday tales by the best-selling author of Running with Scissors celebrates his best and worst Christmas seasons, marked by such memories as a six-foot stuffed Santa, a gingerbread tenement, and awakening with a hangover beside Kris Kringle. 500,000 first printing.
You Better Not Cry

You Better Not Cry

Author: Augusten Burroughs
Publisher: Atlantic Books Ltd
ISBN: 0857896504
Pages: 300
Year: 2011-08-01
Of course you've eaten too much chocolate at Christmas, but have you ever eaten the face off a six-foot-stuffed Santa? You've seen gingerbread houses, but have you ever made your own gingerbread block of flats? You've woken up with a hangover, but have you ever woken up lying next to Kris Kringle himself? Augusten Burroughs has, and in this caustically funny, nostalgic, poignant, and moving collection of true stories, he recounts Christmases past and present - as only he can. With gimlet-eyed wit, Augusten Burroughs shows how Christmas can bring out the worst in us and sometimes - just sometimes - the very, very best.
Holidays on Ice

Holidays on Ice

Author: David Sedaris
Publisher: Little, Brown
ISBN: 0316073636
Pages: 128
Year: 2009-05-04
David Sedaris's beloved holiday collection is new again with six more pieces, including a never before published story. Along with such favorites as the diaries of a Macy's elf and the annals of two very competitive families, are Sedaris's tales of tardy trick-or-treaters ("Us and Them"); the difficulties of explaining the Easter Bunny to the French ("Jesus Shaves"); what to do when you've been locked out in a snowstorm ("Let It Snow"); the puzzling Christmas traditions of other nations ("Six to Eight Black Men"); what Halloween at the medical examiner's looks like ("The Monster Mash"); and a barnyard secret Santa scheme gone awry ("Cow and Turkey"). No matter what your favorite holiday, you won't want to miss celebrating it with the author who has been called "one of the funniest writers alive" (Economist).
The Krampus and the Old, Dark Christmas

The Krampus and the Old, Dark Christmas

Author: Al Ridenour
Publisher: Feral House
ISBN: 162731041X
Pages: 248
Year: 2016-09-12
The Krampus, a folkloric devil associated with St. Nicholas in Alpine Austria and Germany, has been embraced by the American counterculture and is lately skewing mainstream. The new Christmas he seems to embody is ironically closer to an ancient understanding of the holiday as a perilous, haunted season. In the Krampus' world, witches rule Christmas, and saints can sometimes kill.
A Christmas Carol

A Christmas Carol

Author: Charles Dickens
Publisher:
ISBN:
Pages: 82
Year: 1906
Everyone is familiar with this classic Christmas story. Ebenezer Scrooge is a miserly, unpleasant man who despises Christmas and overworks his clerk Bob Cratchit. As he prepares for another Christmas Eve without celebration, Scrooge is greeted by his dead business partner, Jacob Marley who warns him that his greed will not go unpunished. At first, Scrooge doesn't heed Marley's warning, but soon he is visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Christmas Yet to Come. He is made to face his cruel nature, and to consider whether he should change his ways. This is a free digital copy of a book that has been carefully scanned by Google as part of a project to make the world's books discoverable online. To make this print edition available as an ebook, we have extracted the text using Optical Character Recognition (OCR) technology and submitted it to a review process to ensure its accuracy and legibility across different screen sizes and devices. Google is proud to partner with libraries to make this book available to readers everywhere.
A Stubborn Sweetness and Other Stories for the Christmas Season

A Stubborn Sweetness and Other Stories for the Christmas Season

Author: Katherine Paterson
Publisher: Westminster John Knox Press
ISBN: 0664239153
Pages: 185
Year: 2013
A Stubborn Sweetness and Other Stories for the Christmas Season is a collection of modern-day short stories by Katherine Paterson, award-winning author of Bridge to Terabithia and The Great Gilly Hopkins- both loved by children and adults for over twenty years. This compilation includes stories of real-life people such as a shopping mall's night watchman, a lonely widower, a pregnant teenage runaway, a political prisoner in China, a grieving mother, and a privileged American, who have forgotten the true meaning of Christmas because of loss, pain, greed or circumstances. Through unexpected and uplifting ways, each is reminded of the first Christmas story and the vision of hope and peace it offers the world. They realize that even in the darkness, the light and song of Christmas can be seen and heard. This heart-warming gift book, filled with stories of real people finding hope, courage, and faith amidst life's circumstances, radiates the spirit of the season and reminds each of us what Christmas truly means. Originally written to be read during her church's Christmas Eve service, this collection of holiday stories is perfect for individuals, families, and churches to read and share during the season.
A Wolf at the Table

A Wolf at the Table

Author: Augusten Burroughs
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
ISBN: 1429937653
Pages: 256
Year: 2008-04-29
"As a little boy, I had a dream that my father had taken me to the woods where there was a dead body. He buried it and told me I must never tell. It was the only thing we'd ever done together as father and son, and I promised not to tell. But unlike most dreams, the memory of this one never left me. And sometimes...I wasn't altogether sure about one thing: was it just a dream?" When Augusten Burroughs was small, his father was a shadowy presence in his life: a form on the stairs, a cough from the basement, a silent figure smoking a cigarette in the dark. As Augusten grew older, something sinister within his father began to unfurl. Something dark and secretive that could not be named. Betrayal after shocking betrayal ensued, and Augusten's childhood was over. The kind of father he wanted didn't exist for him. This father was distant, aloof, uninterested... And then the "games" began. With A Wolf at the Table, Augusten Burroughs makes a quantum leap into untapped emotional terrain: the radical pendulum swing between love and hate, the unspeakably terrifying relationship between father and son. Told with scorching honesty and penetrating insight, it is a story for anyone who has ever longed for unconditional love from a parent. Though harrowing and brutal, A Wolf at the Table will ultimately leave you buoyed with the profound joy of simply being alive. It's a memoir of stunning psychological cruelty and the redemptive power of hope.
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

Author: Barbara Robinson
Publisher: Samuel French, Inc.
ISBN: 0573617457
Pages: 53
Year: 1983
The six mean Herdman kids lie, steal, smoke cigars (even the girls) and then become involved in the community Christmas pageant.
Dry

Dry

Author: Augusten Burroughs
Publisher: Picador
ISBN: 1466844302
Pages: 304
Year: 2013-04-23
The Tenth Anniversary Edition of the New York Times bestselling book that has sold over half a million copies in paperback. "I was addicted to "Bewitched" as a kid. I worshipped Darren Stevens the First. When he'd come home from work and Samantha would say, ‘Darren, would you like me to fix you a drink?' He'd always rest his briefcase on the table below the mirror in the foyer, wipe his forehead with a monogrammed handkerchief and say, ‘Better make it a double.'" (from Chapter Two) You may not know it, but you've met Augusten Burroughs. You've seen him on the street, in bars, on the subway, at restaurants: a twentysomething guy, nice suit, works in advertising. Regular. Ordinary. But when the ordinary person had two drinks, Augusten was circling the drain by having twelve; when the ordinary person went home at midnight, Augusten never went home at all. Loud, distracting ties, automated wake-up calls and cologne on the tongue could only hide so much for so long. At the request (well, it wasn't really a request) of his employers, Augusten lands in rehab, where his dreams of group therapy with Robert Downey Jr. are immediately dashed by grim reality of fluorescent lighting and paper hospital slippers. But when Augusten is forced to examine himself, something actually starts to click and that's when he finds himself in the worst trouble of all. Because when his thirty days are up, he has to return to his same drunken Manhattan life—and live it sober. What follows is a memoir that's as moving as it is funny, as heartbreaking as it is true. Dry is the story of love, loss, and Starbucks as a Higher Power.
North Pole Ninjas

North Pole Ninjas

Author: Tyler Knott Gregson, Sarah Linden
Publisher: Penguin Workshop
ISBN: 1524790796
Pages: 40
Year: 2018-10
With accompanying "Santa's sensei" stuffed toy and envelope containing 10 perforated cards of Christmas missions.
A Christmas Memory

A Christmas Memory

Author: Truman Capote
Publisher: Knopf Books for Young Readers
ISBN: 0385392761
Pages: 48
Year: 2014-10-28
A reminiscence of a Christmas shared by a seven-year-old boy and a sixtyish childlike woman, with enormous love and friendship between them.
Running with Scissors

Running with Scissors

Author: Augusten Burroughs
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
ISBN: 1429902523
Pages: 288
Year: 2010-04-01
Now including an excerpt from Lust & Wonder, a new memoir coming in March 2016. Running with Scissors is the true story of a boy whose mother (a poet with delusions of Anne Sexton) gave him away to be raised by her psychiatrist, a dead-ringer for Santa and a lunatic in the bargain. Suddenly, at age twelve, Augusten Burroughs found himself living in a dilapidated Victorian in perfect squalor. The doctor's bizarre family, a few patients, and a pedophile living in the backyard shed completed the tableau. Here, there were no rules, there was no school. The Christmas tree stayed up until summer, and Valium was eaten like Pez. And when things got dull, there was always the vintage electroshock therapy machine under the stairs.... Running with Scissors is at turns foul and harrowing, compelling and maniacally funny. But above all, it chronicles an ordinary boy's survival under the most extraordinary circumstances.
Retronaut

Retronaut

Author: Chris Wild
Publisher: National Geographic Books
ISBN: 1426213832
Pages: 351
Year: 2014
Based on the popular basement blog, a treasury of rare celebrity photographs from the 1960s and 1970s challenges popular conceptions about history and includes such entries as Martha Stewart as a fashion model, Kim Jong Il in a bumper car and Ronald Reagan modeling in a sculpture class. Original.
The Elf on the Shelf - a Christmas Tradition

The Elf on the Shelf - a Christmas Tradition

Author: Carol V. Aebersold, Chanda A. Bell
Publisher:
ISBN: 098436515X
Pages:
Year: 2012-01-01
The Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition is an activity the entire family will enjoy. Based on the tradition Carol Aebersold began with her family in the 1970s, this cleverly rhymed children's book explains that Santa knows who is naughty and/or nice because he sends a scout elf to every home. During the holiday season, the elf watches children by day and reports to Santa each night. When children awake, the elf has returned from the North Pole and can be found hiding in a different location. This activity allows The Elf on the Shelf to become a delightful hide-and-seek game.